Many women wonder why their husband lies about where he has been or what he has been doing, even when there aren't things wrong. The deceitful words tumble out of his mouth so easily, you may be wondering if he lies about other things. But before you jump to conclusions, consider that there are many reasons for lying and wives are often as guilty of telling them as their husbands.
Why Does My Husband Lie?
By understanding the common reasons behind men lying to their wives, you may be able to work together to develop better lines of communication between the two of you.
1. Fear of Drama
All of us fear the uncertainty of how a loved one may react. If things don't go the way we thought they would, we dread the drama that may follow. Men aren't any different. Often your husband will tell you what you want so that he can avoid any conflict. Why would he do differently if it makes life calmer and less stressful? Ask yourself: Wouldn't you tell a little white lie once in a while to keep the peace? Truth be told, both sexes are guilty of this behavior.
2. Trying Not To Get Caught
A man will lie if he is doing something he should not have been as a way of avoiding getting caught. Both husbands and wives may be guilty of this act. However, when a man is doing something seriously wrong, he tends to turn his explanation into a blame game. He will throw out every action you had ever done as an excuse for his behavior. Don't let him make you feel responsible for his actions or think that he lied for your sake. He did it to avoid getting caught.
3. Excuse to Get Out of Chores
The question "Why does my husband lie?" often comes up when a wife asks him to do chores and somehow he is suddenly busy with something else. He will say he has to work late if you ask him to stop at the store afterwards. He will say he forgot to pick up those eggs you asked for when really he just didn't want to stop. If you accuse him of being lazy, he will tell you to stop nagging. Men are like that so make sure to choose what is really important to you and only give him a hard time if he lied to avoid a really important task.
4. Past Experiences in Relationships
Sometimes your husband might lie because he had a really bad relationship in the past and he wants to avoid the drama he went through before. For instance, he may have had a girlfriend who always accused him of flirting while he was at the gym. Because of this, he might not tell you he is going to work out because he is worried you might do the same. Find out the real reason he is lying and then work with him to trust you to not do the same thing.
Why does my husband lie? You may ask. Sometimes it is because he has insecurities that he thinks will drive you away or make you lose interest in him. He has his own vanities, which may cause him to lie about his occupation or even his age. Maybe he had a rough childhood and is embarrassed by it. It is normal for him to have these feelings, but beware. If he can lie about simple things, then he can lie about the big things, too.
6. Hiding an Addiction
Addicts have one thing in common. They all lie to cover up their problem. No matter the addiction – drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography and shoplifting are a few – husbands will lie to their wives until they no longer have any choice but to tell her the truth. When he lies to hide his addiction, you will need to seek professional guidance and counseling to help him overcome his condition.
How to React If Your Husband Lies
Why does my husband lie? There are so many possible answers to that question. Don't jump to the assumption that he lies about everything. Until you have a heart-to-heart conversation with him, you will never know how deep his deceitfulness goes.
1. Explain Your Side
If your husband lies to protect his feelings or ego, explain how it makes you feel when he does. Do not be accusatory. Instead, tell him how his lies affect you. Don't yell at him, remain calm and keep it about the situation, not husband bashing.
2. Look at It from His Side
Once you have expressed your feelings, allow him the opportunity to explain why he is being dishonest. Keep your mind open and look at the situation from his side. Remember, he may be lying because he is insecure or vulnerable. Then you can take the right steps to work it out between you.
3. Be Straightforward
Don't try and catch your husband in his lie by setting him up. Instead, be direct and point out what led you to your conclusions. Keep to the facts. Using a logical and straight approach will let him know you are aware of what is going on and are not being fooled by his lies.
Tell him your feelings are hurt by his betrayal. Ask him why he didn't feel he could tell you the truth. Listen to his answer and explain you would rather be upset about the truth than angry about the lying.
4. Do Not Judge
Let your husband know you are hurt and feel saddened by his actions, but do not be judgmental. This may cause him to immediately shut down and close all lines of communication. At the same time, do not let him think he can continue lying. Tell him you both need to work together on finding a way to work things out. Explain how trust is important to you.